Posted by: jt | November 26, 2008

i love the 80s

So…when you’re in the middle of nowhere in the mountains and it starts snowing and there are flashing signs that indicate the roads might be icy, do you:

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

Pull over while everyone else breezes by and wait for the roads to get worse?

I went with Dory – white knuckles all the way. I kept telling myself, You know how to drive on icy roads. And the voice in my head would retort back, Yeah, you know how to drive your car on icy roads, not this behemoth. Plus, the rule (with my car) is, If you slide on ice, don’t fight it, just go with it. This works in Minnesota where the worst you can usually do is just go into a ditch. I’m less willing to just go off a mountain.

Regardless, I’m safely over one mountain range. That will have to suffice for tonight.

When I crossed into West Virginia today I actually said (well, I sang) aloud, Sca-ry. That’s probably not entirely fair. We all have our crazies, but…I’m still not over this one.

I vocalized my anxiety and, I kid you not, moments later, the skies opened, the sun beat down and the roads were clear.

Okay, West Virginia, your roads are better than Maryland’s. And you have one twisted way of welcoming…white women who don’t necessarily know when to quit?

However, I am yet compelled to inform the good people of Morgantown, West Virginia that it is no longer 1989. I am willing to be extremely flexible but lines must be drawn somewhere: mullets are not an acceptable hairstyle. Trust me – I have seen every MacGyver episode at least 10 times. I know mullets.  The time has come to put the mullet in it’s proper place, right alongside the Confederate flag, in a museum.

I am also compelled to inform the good people of DC that the mullet-wearing population of Morgantown has access to a better grocery store than any I found in their fair city. And yes, I stopped at a grocery store, because when I can get me some Kroger’s Light Egg Nog, ain’t no way I’m passin’ that up.

So many years, deprived.

I’m concerned though, my fellow Americans. We seem to have an epidemic on our hands. Not only are mullets running rampant in West Virginia, they seem to be well-established in Ohio too. I also stopped at the creepiest gas station in Columbus. It looked perfectly normal and was 1 cent per gallon cheaper than the alternative so, of course, I chose it.  Before I even pumped my gas, I was asked for bus fare by one person and another asked to borrow my phone to “call [his] girl who was supposed to meet [him] here.” Um. At a Speedway? Fer serious? And can I cut your hair?


Mullets spotted while pumping gas in Columbus, Ohio: 3.

I’m now safely shacked up in Richmond, Indiana. Because I was too tired to make it to Indy tonight, but who wants to wake up in Ohio?

No mullet spottings yet in Indiana, but I’m only about four miles in.

Must sleep.

G’night, lovelies. If all goes to plan, I’ll be at my grandparents’, sans internet, tomorrow night. Have a lovely Thanksgiving.


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