Posted by: jt | September 16, 2008

life is good

This afternoon Amber randomly IMed me to thank me for coming to Augusta when her dad died in July. I was a little taken aback since, obviously, this is an exchange we’ve had before, but she was compelled to say it again. She appreciates that I was there. I appreciate that I could be there. There’s no other place I would have wanted to be at that point; that’s where I belonged.

Gratitude. Friendship. The family you choose.  They’re pretty amazing.

Last week I accepted an offer for a new job out in Seattle. It’s an almost ridiculously perfect fit for my interests, experience, goals and passions. I feel, more so than I ever have before, that I’m on the brink of truly amazing, life-altering growth, both professionally and personally. I’m so excited.

Affirmation. Possibility. Professional and personal development. They’re pretty amazing.

When I walked into my friend’s office the day after my mother shredded my excitement about Seattle, she dropped everything to give me a hug and talk things through. I vented my anger and we laughed over the absurdity that anyone could mistake this opportunity for anything but incredible.

Comfort. Laughter. Being understood. They’re pretty amazing.

The past 16 months in DC have been hard, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  I’ve been stretched and humbled professionally in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I went from being recognized as a role model and leader in my field to consistently coming up short and letting people down. I truly suck at parts of my current job and, damn, if that hasn’t been one of the best learning experiences of my life.

Humility. Teamwork. Learning from our mistakes. They’re pretty amazing.

After 28 years of self-loathing and feeling inadequate, I’ve finally started to internalize how ludicrous that is. I’m recognizing my avoidance behaviors and starting to break lifelong patterns of self-sabotage. I’m changing how I interact with myself and how I view myself in the world. For the first time, I don’t just cognitively know that I’m worthwhile, I actually believe it.

I can’t think of anything more amazing than that.

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