Posted by: jt | September 10, 2008

buzzkill

Tonight was going to be the SQUEEEEEEEEEE life is fabulous post.

And then I called my mom.

I’ll squee again tomorrow. Right now I need to be pissed off and cry.

Here’s a tip: When someone calls you, ecstatic about amazing, overwhelmingly positive, life-altering changes, don’t browbeat them for an hour about every little aspect of it that will be difficult.  When someone tells you, I have two months to sort out the logistics, right now I’m just going to be happy and enjoy this, don’t choose that moment to point out everything that could possibly go wrong.

Don’t.

There will be future posts on my major breakthroughs in therapy, but tonight offered a perfect example of where I’m coming from and how much progress I’ve made. Instead of internalizing the relentless negativity from my parents and just distracting myself from the pain with television, a book, music or food, I’m pissed off. I’m hurt and I’m teary, but goddammit, I’m furious.

And that is progress.

Because I’m finally starting to believe that I deserve to be happy about this. I deserve to be proud of this. I deserve to appreciate this.

I’m worth it.

Whether they ever figure that out or not.

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Responses

  1. […] I walked into my friend’s office the day after my mother shredded my excitement about Seattle, she dropped everything to give me a hug and talk things through. I vented my anger […]


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