Posted by: jt | February 17, 2008

so much beauty in the world

There is so much to write about the last few weeks that I’m struggling to find a place to start. The emotional intensity, particularly of the last four days, has encompassed powerful extremes of joy, humor, fear, angst, despair, hope, inspiration, excitement, connection and sweet, sweet sadness (you know, with the parting).

I’m still finding my bearings from the overwhelming emotions and sleep deprivation, and it’s challenging to string together a coherent thought. The one thing I can definitely come up with – whether I can communicate it or not – is what I’m grateful for. I’ll try to reign it in, because we could be here all day…

  1. My boys from the Middle East. I learned so much from these guys and I feel like they learned a lot from me and the work that I put into their trip. The trainings and meetings they had were certainly significant, but personally, the fact that I got almost all of them to truly accept and – some of them – even like an American feminist who isn’t religious, drinks, swears, has gay friends and doesn’t dress “appropriately”…I’m proud of my boys for being open-minded enough to give me a chance.
  2. We’ll just call him my brother. Two of my boys are like the baby brothers I never knew I wanted. One in particular, who will just be known as H, quietly and steadfastly held things together behind the scenes until, three weeks later, I got a clue and took the burden away from him. It sounds like I’m being melodramatic, but I’m not. He may well have saved someone’s life (I feel like that’s putting it mildly, actually) and he did it with such character and integrity. I’m so proud and in awe of him. He’s 20 years old and he’s already got it together in a major way. And, of course, he’s utterly nonchalant about it all. Because that’s who he is. Hug him…squeeze him…call him something other than George.
  3. My colleagues. The annual conference for my job was held Wednesday through Saturday and…just imagine 500 people who have dedicated their careers to teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony, put ‘em all in one room and bring in powerful speakers whose lives have been changed by the work of the conference attendees. And watch everybody blink back tears. Cheesy, heart-rending, inspirational goodness. I love the program I work on.
  4. My boss. The number of times I have professed my respect and adoration for this woman is beyond absurd. She’s such a good, honest, thoughtful person, who’s absolutely dedicated to doing the right thing and could not be more supportive of her staff. When my old boss bashed me to her face last week, she laid some smack down. And told me all about it. Yeah. Love her.
  5. Great news from an old friend. A year and a half ago, I had a guy almost die on one of my projects. My partner in crime during those scariest moments won an award last week, which could not possibly be more deserved. I hadn’t seen him since the scary medical crisis went down and not only did I get to catch up with him, but he gave me a current update: the guy who almost died and still couldn’t walk when he finally went home – full recovery. 100%.
  6. Still sorting out what I want to do. This last week has certainly highlighted some of my strengths. I’m generally more inclined to focus on what I can do better and how I can improve, but I pretty much rocked out in a couple of situations last week. While I, clearly, love the work I do, I think there may be ways that I can focus more on the parts that I love and do less of the parts that I really do suck at. The best part? I can talk openly with my boss about it and she’ll help me with it!
  7. My sisters. Apparently there are still two! One sent me the most fabulous, indulgent package for VD* and the other reached out to communicate for the first time in over seven months. One of those things, really nice. The other, unspeakably wonderful.

I’ve got a lot of writing to do. What level of delusions I had when I worried that I would run out of “material” for a blog. But first…a lot of thinking to do. Which just makes an INFP really happy.

*Keep your chocolates and candy hearts, I’ll take fabulous bath products any day.



  1. I know you say you are exhausted but nothing but JOY comes through in this post.

    I don’t even want to say anything funny or sarcastic – Holy Crackers! you just inspired another miracle.

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