If the Catholics have it right, I’m so going to hell. Since there’s absolutely no chance they do, let’s get on with things…

I had to run an errand this afternoon and, en route, walked past a crazy lady muttering under her breath. She was pretty well-dressed, as DC crazies go, and it took me a second to realize: she was standing outside of Planned Parenthood, praying the rosary.

Booooooooooooooo.

By the time I put two and two together, I was already past her, so I ran my errand and plotted my own protest for my return. There was no way I was going to engage with this woman. Instead, as she was muttering something about “sins,” I looked her straight in the eye and turned into the clinic.

Once inside, I met with a security guard who asked if I had an appointment. I paused and decided to just come clean. I’m really just here to protest that woman’s protest, I said, pointing out the window. The guard gave a little snort of laughter, said, Thank you, and then, catching herself not being fearsome, reverted back to business. I signed in, handed over my purse for inspection and walked through a metal detector.

Seemingly free of weapons (aside from my cutting wit), I went into the waiting room and smiled at the three women who were there. I explained my situation to the nurse behind the counter and picked up some fliers with contact info. In all seriousness, I don’t have a gynecologist in DC, so why not?

On the way out, I beamed my biggest, brightest smile at the crazy lady fingering her beads.

I’m all for freedom of speech and the right to assemble. And bitches, it works both ways.